Time to settle this BS once and for all

(Tristar)

I have struggled for years now, off and on, to write the definitive apologia for the 1989 film Road House. My chief obstacle is not that doing so would be a waste of time — I’m very much aware that it is, and made peace with that some time ago— but that I am unable to precisely define what it is about the movie that works. At first glance, very little does.

The acting is wretched. There is not a single line, plot point, or dramatic beat that makes any sense, let alone that is recognizable as human behavior. The…


Falling budgets, failing ambitions, and a faltering show

It is indeed slipping from your grasp

I confess that when The Expanse was rescued from cancellation by a monomaniac who can afford his own space program, I let myself dare to dream a little: one of my favorite shows was about to get big.

In so many ways, SyFy intended The Expanse to be the next Battlestar Galactica: a critically-respected marquee space opera that would imbue the whole network with original-content mojo. The parallels are right there in the cast, most of whom are disposably-pretty Jamie Bamber types (Who is James Holden if not Apollo?) but they sprung for a few Edward James Olmoses in the…


An Open Letter to Donald Trump

Someone saw his own ghost (Daily Mail/EPA)

Sir!

I send you this proposal as a private citizen of no particular consequence, and one of little interest to yourself in particular. I voted in California and Colorado and I lived in New Jersey for most of your administration, and it’s my understanding that you neither recognize blue-state residents as constituents nor as human beings (if you’re capable of recognizing anyone as either).

Likewise, I won’t claim to be someone you can trust as a source of counsel, because I hate you. You tried to steal this beautiful gift we were given by the sacrifice of countless generations and…


The murder of George Lloyd, police violence, and the unpaid moral debts of the Irish in America

Apu Gomes/AFP via Getty Images

Somewhat counter-intuitively, to make the point I’m here to make, I must begin with a defense of Irish-American racism.

I don’t care who you are, or what ethnoreligious background you come from: If you got the deal we got when we came to these shores, coming off the millennium of living hell that made us the miserable bastards we are, you would have hated the shit out of Black people. In a heartbeat.

We started out being pillaged repeatedly by the Vikings from 793 to 1066, giving us 15% of our genetic code and the kingdom of England in the…


And what a glorious death it shall be.

They say that Chess Grandmasters lose 15 pounds from stress over the course of a tournament. This movie’s good for at least three. (A24)

Walking into the theater to see Uncut Gems, I saw an unusual warning notice sitting on the ticket counter: “STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER contains several sequences with imagery and sustained flashing lights that may affect those who are susceptible to photosensitive epilepsy or who have other photosensitivities.”

This triggered a whiff of nostalgia for my ten year-old self, back when the notorious Pokemon episode “Dennō Senshi Porygon” took out damn near every epileptic in Japan — in fact, the name has never been translated because the episode was banned from import by every other country on Earth. It…


And it’s killing me inside

Night Sight on the Pixel 3 is siiiiick

When a woman with six cat tattoos first insisted that we get a dog, I was unenthusiastic. Our apartment is small, and being the less consistently employed of the two of us, I would have to be the one to take care of the little bastard. Also, I was the only one with dog ownership experience: I grew up with an Australian Shepherd, and my brother unloaded a Beagle mutt puppy on me when I moved home after college. …


We’ve apparently decided that facing the unthinkable is more trouble than it’s worth

A contemporaneous photo.

I apologize that the above title is somewhat flip about sexual assault, a topic that is deeply and personally painful for so many people. However, I feel I am under no obligation to take the subject more seriously than the public at large, and we’re straight-up ignoring a rape allegation against the President, so…

In 2016, Donald Trump was being sued. There has never been a moment of his adult life for which that statement has not been true, but unlike his usual exercises in driving stiffed contractors to legal exhaustion, he was being accused of a violent crime in…


Okay, which one of you people annoys me the least?

The first time I ever gave any thought to voting for Joseph R. Biden was 2007. I was in Germany, and I found myself swayed by the passionate advocacy of a Greek Ivy Leaguer in my study abroad program, who preached the gospel of Joseph even though he couldn’t vote for the man. Also, I was insecure about the fact that this friend went to a much better school than I did, so I was inclined to follow his example.

The post-9/11 circumstances that led him to that frankly bizarre position would take too long for me to explain to…


…and Bob Mueller ain’t afraid to say so.

In fairness, the proper term for a man of his stature and achievements is “courtesan” (Alex Wong/Getty)

Of all the hoes who proudly strut the Executive Corner in this golden age of political prostitution, I would dare to say that Bill Barr is the biggest whore of them all.

Granted, that is a very competitive category these days. Post-Mattis, Trump’s cabinet is a proper stable, devoid of anyone who even pretends to act in the public interest. All of Trump’s acting secretaries are obsequious, oily toadies of some powerful industry lobby or another, whether it be Boeing’s Patrick Shanahan or hydrocarbon-stan Andrew Wheeler at EPA. They know they’re only there for smash-and-grab regulatory looting, and they’re pretty…


Though the official name of the country of France is “The Republic of France,” their government is known as the “Fifth French Republic.” It is so named and numbered because they have had four previous constitutional republics since the French Revolution, all of which failed because the French have spent the past two centuries gladly spreading ’em for any autocrat who so much as batted an eye in their direction, despite their allegedly democratic character.

The First Republic was taken down by Napoleon, and Napoleon III decided it would be more fun to rule the Second French Empire than be…

Jack Walsh

Unverified. Uncredentialed. Unpublished. Uncompromising.

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