America Must See the Hookers Urinate
Why The Public Release of Trump’s Golden Shower Video Is Essential to Rebuilding Our Civil Society
I found out about Louis C.K.’s sordid business in 2011, when I overheard a couple other people on set who were keyed into open secrets of the industry. My fanhood was just really starting to blossom, after I saw the first season of Louie and started to seek out more of his stand-up. For pretty much the entire time his comedy was a part of my life, I was faintly aware that he had jacked off in front of some unknown person.
I didn’t know whether or not the rumors were true. I did know how bad my sides hurt after one of his specials. I did know the thrill of watching someone discover themselves as a filmmaker on Louie. I did know a thousand YouTube clips of his stand-up that I couldn’t help but bust out on my smartphone, the moment any given conversation hit its perfect notes. I knew that his work was brilliant, humanist philosophy rendered as comedy, and that he might be one of the great directors of personal cinema. I was not about to deprive myself of him for some anonymous grown woman’s complaints of dick-wagging.
When the Weinstein Effect began to ripple out, I was overjoyed to see Spacey go down, but it did raise the question in my mind of whether my beloved Louis Szekely would be swept away by the same purge. Weinstein used his vast power to rape women and get away with it, and Spacey is a pathological sexual predator, but Louie had never laid a hand on any one of his accusers. I held out some hope that his masturbation episodes felt affably pathetic in the eyes of the victims. He could survive this.
…Then I heard the charges, in the words of the accusers, and I recognized all the familiar patterns in the deeply off-putting accounts of the erstwhile philosopher’s behavior. Maybe the kink itself was an outgrowth of his beta-male self-loathing, in keeping with his stage persona, but there was still a strong whiff of classic masculine brutality to his use of power and status to coerce compliance and silence. His carefully crafted image of the pathetic was displaced by the dismal reality of his behavior, and I found myself feeling less victimized than betrayed by the situation, and readier to let go.
As we approach the logical point of this president’s downfall, I find myself getting less and less sleep. This is a democracy, and removal of our executive is a political process. Political processes do not happen without the electorate, and a third of our electorate has abandoned any pretense of rational thought, instead living on a steady diet of doublespeak and Herrenvolk authoritarian bullshit.
There is seemingly no wrong the administration can do that they will care about. They shrugged off Trump’s casual disclosure of highly classified Israeli intel at that Oval Office meeting with Lavrov and Kislyak. They shrugged off Don Jr. inviting agents of the Russian mafia state to Trump Tower for some tea and collusion. Now they’re shrugging off the guilty plea of Trump’s first NSA for crimes committed in the President’s employ. By definition, a conviction is not fake news, but no one seems to care.
Over at the Reichstag, Mitch and Paul are not going to budge until they feel actual pressure from the yahoos who control their primaries, rather than their unwavering support of il Duce. They are marching lockstep in the prostitution of any decency they ever had, even joining the president in the endorsement of a child molester for senate. Articles of impeachment are a pipe dream coming from the current crop of legislators, and Democrats are still facing a heavily gerrymandered map in the upcoming election.
Unfortunately, nothing matters anymore. The FBI is fixing to bust down the West Wing’s door, it is now incontrovertible fact that our national security was in the hands of a convicted felon for a month, we’re flirting with nuclear war, and the president is aggressively fucking his voters in every way he promised not to. Trump’s people don’t care. As long as he continues to publicly punish Muslims, Mexicans, and Blacks, they seemingly don’t mind that he’s pissing away our national finances on the rich, or that his Ag Secretary just reclassified lead paint chips as a fruit for the USDA school lunch program.
Our democracy used to run on the written word by necessity, which would have made Trump’s illiteracy a fatal weakness. Candidates for president prior to the 20th century didn’t even campaign for themselves, out of dignity, but two Roosevelts, the Kennedy-Nixon debate, and Reagan later: our political media has become so audio-visual that it was conquered by Trump’s bullying and harassment of opponents, a show of alpha-male, primate dominance that was more anthropology than politics. Terrifying as it is to say, Trump’s cult of personality has proven that human nature is stronger than our democracy.
Which brings me to the watersports. Our democracy may not be strong enough to stop Trump’s authoritarian-dumbfuck junta, but human nature sure as hell is. If we want to destroy Trump in the eyes of his supporters, we need to make the golden shower video public.
I believe in the existence of the golden shower video to an 80% certainty, and not just because of the proven quality of most of the information in the Steele Dossier. I have an independent (if secondhand) source among the global elite, as in someone who would’ve seen that shit passed around Davos or Bohemian Grove. Without revealing anything about the person who related this man’s claim to me, their assertion that they spent quality time with the Illuminato in question was professionally credible.
This person’s political persuasion was likewise a hedge against any undue optimism about the video’s chance to hurt the president. Anyway, Mr. Whitey told my source he saw the golden shower video, and that it wasn’t anything that would bring down the president, and then literally nothing else. His small, stunned audience was too intimidated to ask follow-ups.
If that tape is real, I beg to differ that it won’t bring down a president. The fact that it will be stone-cold evidence of treason is totally irrelevant. I put no hope in the usual wave of denunciations it will trigger among conservatives who already despise him. I know one thing, however: when America sees a fat, naked 65 year-old man, muttering curses at the then-president and jerking off while upwards of five 18 year-old Russian hookers pee on each other, with his third wife and seven year-old son at home, it’s over.
We all have embarrassing sexual fetishes. Though this opinion has become deeply unpopular lately, transgression is elemental to human sexuality, and anything embarrassing is by definition a taboo to be transgressed. It’s why I was barely worried when Ajit Pai announced that it was legal to sell all of our browsing data — whatever avant garde tastes I might indulge here and there, I know they’ll be lost in the avalanche of adult babies, furries, scat, and foot shit pouring out of the internet’s collective sexual psychosphere. I doubt anyone even bats an eye at you if you don’t have a .tor client.
However, we are all also hypocrites about our embarrassing sexual fetishes and transgressions (see Matt Lauer interviewing Bill O’Reilly), and we swiftly judge public figures for their own embarrassing peccadilloes when they become public knowledge. If the video comes out, the real and conservative news media both will be obligated to broadcast it. The sight of Donald’s Moscow Pee Party will instantly deplete the Right of the emotional energy it takes to defend his corruption, hostility to the constitution, and sheer incompetence.
The Russian intelligence services are pioneers of domestic surveillance, particularly when it comes to people being set up with prostitutes, and you know the sound they got is amazing. The streams of urine, the splat on the bed, the forced giggles of the Siberian slave girls, and Trump’s weird groans must sound like a symphony of humiliation. It’s entirely possible that the copy possessed by Westerners doesn’t have the audio track, but a boy can dream.
We will all bear witness to Trump’s conceptually muddled act of revenge, against the black man who dared not only to become leader of a white man’s country, but dared to mock a worthless white piece of shit in public for questioning his place of birth and worthiness to lead. We will all see the attendant grossness involving girls a quarter of his age — Keith Schiller testified that he was offered five of them — spelled out so vividly that it will shatter his base. Just as I once let go of my hero once I saw the full measure of his shame, so too will enough of the Trump Nation to pull ourselves out of this darkness.
We can wait for due process to unfold, and for justice to flow on Donald Trump’s face like a stream, or whatever Comey said about Flynn’s indictment. If, however, that crazy asshole feels cornered enough to even think about firing Mueller, and lord knows he does, the tape needs to come out. It’s the only thing that can save America.