Please Die in Exile, Mr. President
An Open Letter to Donald Trump
Sir!
I send you this proposal as a private citizen of no particular consequence, and one of little interest to yourself in particular. I voted in California and Colorado and I lived in New Jersey for most of your administration, and it’s my understanding that you neither recognize blue-state residents as constituents nor as human beings (if you’re capable of recognizing anyone as either).
Likewise, I won’t claim to be someone you can trust as a source of counsel, because I hate you. You tried to steal this beautiful gift we were given by the sacrifice of countless generations and then poisoned it to cling to power. Your willful inaction has put up midsize-genocide numbers of unnecessary American deaths, and when you were in the midst of your own richly-deserved hospitalization, I was overjoyed at the prospect that you were going to die.
You have no reason to trust me, a liberal Democrat, and I have no reason to trust you, a treasonous international criminal and sociopath.
However, as you’ve made it clear that you’re willing to destroy the United States rather than admit you lost, it’s obvious that you see no way forward that could allow the rest of us to move on. Fortunately, I’ve thought of just such a negotiated solution, and I’m…