The End of The Second United States (1865–2019)

Though the official name of the country of France is “The Republic of France,” their government is known as the “Fifth French Republic.” It is so named and numbered because they have had four previous constitutional republics since the French Revolution, all of which failed because the French have spent the past two centuries gladly spreading ’em for any autocrat who so much as batted an eye in their direction, despite their allegedly democratic character.

The First Republic was taken down by Napoleon, and Napoleon III decided it would be more fun to rule the Second French Empire than be the president of the Second French Republic. The Third left this world the same way it came into it, with France crushed by a German invasion. After France’s best investment crossed the Atlantic to liberate our first ally from the Nazis, they founded the Fourth Republic, which was brought down by an armed coup led by Charles du Gaulle. The Fifth Republic was thus created so that said pompous dick could be France’s strongman ruler, but fortunately for us all, he eventually died, leaving a proper presidential democracy — granted, it is currently on fire, but it is a democracy.

In the United States, on the other hand, we think of our republic as “The Republic,” and our current government as part of a single, unbroken historical chain. Even the 2% of us with…